


I Will Never Leave You Alone

by HighWarlockIvy



Category: Shadowhunters
Genre: Angst, Character Deaths, Hurt/Comfort, Magnus breaks down, Reference to past suicidal thoughts, This Is Sad, a little blood, but happy ending, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 14:35:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10310426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HighWarlockIvy/pseuds/HighWarlockIvy
Summary: Magnus has a breakdown after a battle, and Alec isn't sure how to handle it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little sad drabble

The battle had ended. The Shadowhunters and Magnus were covered in blood and remnants of those who used to live. Alec, who was still shaken up about the fight, kept looking over at Magnus, who looked... empty. He was stumbling as he walked, as if he forgot; as if he couldn't remember or think of anything except for those he lost. 

He had lost the most. 

He can still hear Magnus' anguished cry after they had both been killed right in front of him. Magnus will surely blame himself, but what could he have done? He was being held back, helpless, just like the rest of them. They had had his hands in death grips, so his magic would be unavailable.

None of them were sure why the group of Circle members were really targeting Magnus, but none of them could think about it either.

All they could think about was how... broken he looked. 

The Circle members had had all of them in their grips, the Shadowhunters unable to break free. Across from them, stood Catarina Loss and Tessa Gray, surrounded by even more Circle members. 

Valentine was nowhere to be seen, but that wasn't surprising, considering he was locked up in the cells of the Institute. The Silent Brothers still haven't come to fetch him, which was strange. Were even the Silent Brothers afraid of Valentine?

It's not shocking; Valentine had managed to break into the Silent City and kill many of them. 

But Magnus had tried to summon magic, then almost immediately, the Circle members kicked him to his knees and were squeezing his hands to the point he was sure one of his fingers were broken. He had fought, and he fought hard. Alec, Isabelle, Jace, and Clary were by his side, but they also could not break free of the Circle members hold. 

Tessa and Catarina couldn't do anything. Catarina couldn't use magic, because they had injected her with something to block it, and Tessa couldn't really do anything other than shapeshift, but that wasn't going to get them anywhere. 

Magnus had yelled for them to leave them alone, and Alec had seen the pure fear in his eyes and was suddenly uncomfortable, because he'd never seen Magnus like that. 

Everyone had been protesting, but all of it was to no avail.

The first one to go was Catarina, a knife protruding from her back and out of her chest. Blood had poured out of her mouth, and she didn't even have a second to say goodbye before she fell to the ground, frightened eyes on Magnus the whole way down.

Magnus had screamed, and struggled harder, but the Circle members got annoyed with his struggling and clapped a hand over his mouth, squeezing his hands harder. Another finger had cracked, and Magnus grunted against it, but could really barely feel it.

But he could definitely feel his heart ripping in half. 

Tessa was wide eyed, surprised that this was happening, and knowing she was next. Two of the Circle members stalked slowly closer to her and she looked at Magnus, telling him what needed to be said before she went down next. 

"Magnus," her voice had sounded panicked, and Magnus shook his head, but still unable to speak. "Listen to me, okay? You're going to be fine, I need you to be fine. Okay?" It was rushed, and her last words were filled with blood. "Don't be alone..."

And she fell to floor, dead.

Magnus screamed again, but it was muffled against the hands around his mouth. 

Magnus' fury overcame him, and suddenly, his magic broke through the hands holding his own in a tight grip, and the members flew back, and so did the ones holding his friends. 

But his magic spread throughout the whole field, and every single Circle member flew to the ground, some dead and most unconscious. 

Magnus stood there, ruin around him, trembling and seething, eyes still glowing yellow in the form of a cat's. The others around him were cautious, taking carefully choreographed steps. Alec decided to slowly advance forwards to him. His hands were out in front of him, as if to show Magnus that he didn't mean any harm.

"Magnus," he whispered gently. Magnus' fury stained face turned to him. There was recognition there, but his anger didn't allow any softness to break through. "Magnus, it's okay now," he said. "You can calm now."

Magnus didn't reply, just shook his head. Flames were still surrounding his fingers, and they were shaking. "Magnus," he got a little closer. "It's over, now, okay? You're okay." 

Magnus' flames died down slightly. "Al..."

Alec nodded, trying to get through to Magnus. "I'm here, Magnus. You're okay."

He suddenly looked frightened. "Alec...?"

Alec nodded again. "I'm here," he whispered, now right at his side. He touched Magnus' arms and then the flames were gone. Magnus had dark circles under his eyes, and they looked glazed over. "I'm here, Magnus."

And then Magnus fell limp in Alec's arms. Alec caught him, and he felt small tears leak through his shirt. Magnus hadn't fallen asleep, but was just exhausted. Alec held him, tight, for a long time before Magnus' tears quit leaking through and pulled back, eyes suddenly void of any emotion. 

He was almost glad the team didn't know that Magnus was crying.

Magnus spoke three small words though. "Take me home..."

Alec nodded, looking sympathetic. "Come on," he whispered, opening one arm for Magnus to put himself into. Magnus obliged, walking towards everyone else with poised attitude while huddled into Alec's side.

He couldn't really feel his body. He couldn't feel anything, he just knew his chest felt a hundred pounds heavier than usual. 

Tessa was dead...

Catarina was dead...

The only two left who would protect him from the fear of loneliness and the actuality of it, were gone. He would be alone again, and that scared him to the very core.

He didn't want to be alone again.

He couldn't be alone again.

...

The rest of the team had gone home, and Alec had managed to get Magnus back to the loft, but Magnus was still keeping his emotions locked inside. Alec really wished he wouldn't do that. Alec threw the keys on the table next to the door, Magnus advancing to the balcony to feel the air, because he needed it so bad right now. 

Alec didn't really know whether or not to follow him. He probably wanted to alone, but Alec really didn't feel comfortable leaving Magnus on the balcony with such... sad thoughts. He didn't know what he would do, and Alec had to make sure that he was there for Magnus. 

So, in his decision, he took careful footsteps to the balcony, and saw Magnus leaning against the edge that was keeping him from falling off. Alec's heart broke for his boyfriend. He could feel the grief radiating off of him. 

"Magnus," he said. Magnus took a deep breath, and turned around, slowly. His eyes showed something that Alec couldn't put his finger on. It was very close to fear. Such pure fear. "Magnus, are you okay?"

Magnus scoffed, but without humor. "No..." his voice cracked.

Alec had never seen Magnus this way. This was a different side of him that he'd never witnessed, and he really didn't like it. He liked the fun, glittery side with his sarcastic comments and funny jokes. But he knew this was apart of Magnus too, so he also knew he would have to get him through this.

And he was glad to, but also afraid because, again, he'd never seen this side. He wasn't sure what route to take about this.

Alec went closer to Magnus to be at his side, Magnus' eyes cautiously following him. "Magnus," Alec said. "Talk to me."

Magnus sighed, turning back to the busy city below him. "I don't know what to say..." 

Alec put a hand on his shoulder. "Magnus, tell me what you're feeling."

Magnus winced, looking down for a moment before looking back up. He looked like he was trying to keep his composure. "I don't know..." his voice was shaking.

Alec didn't know either. Didn't know what to say, or do, or feel. Nothing felt right right now. "I don't know either, Magnus..." 

Magnus' breath became uneven. "I don't know what I'll do..." he licked his lips.

"What do you mean?"

Magnus was silent for a moment, and Alec could swear he saw his eyes glistening. "I'm..." Magnus' voice broke off. He grunted, as if frustrated. "Alexander, I just lost everything I had left." 

Alec was taken aback by that, blinking confused. "I don't under-"

"They were all I had left," Magnus interrupted. And then it was silent. Alec didn't know what to say, and neither did Magnus. 

Alec cleared his throat, trying to break the silence. "Magnus, you have others to help you through this."

Magnus suddenly looked angry. "What?"

Alec was shocked at the change in mood. "You have me, and Isabelle, Clary, Jace-"

"You're going to die," Magnus burst out. Alec snapped his mouth shut with a click of his teeth. "Do you not get it, Alexander? I can't do this, I can't. I have never been good alone, Alexander. Why do you think I had Ragnor? Why do you think I had Cat and Tess?"

"Magnus," Alec tried, but Magnus was actually finally breaking down, and Alec just didn't know how to handle it. 

A few small tears rolled down Magnus' cheeks. "I'm immortal, and you're not. And neither are your friends. When you die, who will I have? They were always there to make sure I didn't do anything stupid in my lowest of lows, but no one will be there anymore, Alexander, and I can't do it, okay, I can't I can't I can't ican'tican'tican't-"

Alec pulled Magnus in his arms quickly, more tears leaking through his blood stained shirt. Magnus quit talking then, letting Alec hold him and shush him. "Shh, you're going to be okay, Magnus. I promise." 

Magnus pushed Alec away then, tears still in his eyes. "You can't promise that! Do you realize that once upon a time, I nearly killed myself? Because I can't stand it, Alexander. I can't stand immortality, and watching those I love die while I continue to stay here and wander this god forsaken earth for the rest of eternity. I tried to end it, Alec, but only Camille cared enough to stop me."

"That's not true," Alec said.

Magnus laughed, but again, it was without humor. "Isn't it?"

"Did you tell them you were struggling that badly?"

Magnus didn't reply.

"That's what I thought," Alec replied, voice still gentle. "If you had told them, they would have come running. Like you said, they would always stop you."

Magnus looked away, back down at the city. "I'm going to mess up, Alexander." His voice had gotten so low and so devoid of anything that Alec got worried. 

"Explain, Magnus, please. Please, talk to me." 

Tears finally ceased, and Magnus' breakdown looked to have ended. "Being alone... it's the worst feeling in the world for me. When I needed them, I would call them. I only didn't tell them that, because I didn't want to. But I didn't want to tell anybody. Camille just happened to be there..." Magnus brokenly laughed again. "Isn't that just sad...?"

"What's sad?"

"I stayed with Camille because she was there. Because I loved her, and I loved her deeply, but she never gave back. But she was there, so I never left until she actually cheated on me in my own home. And then blamed me because I came home too early." 

"Magnus, look at me." Alec said firmly, but not too firmly. Magnus obliged, looking sad and scared. "Magnus, you will never be alone again, okay?"

"Alexander-" Magnus tried, but Alec had way more to say.

"I know I'm going to die, Magnus. I know that you will continue to live after I'm gone. And I mean that, Magnus. I need you to live. Because, by the Angel, I love you. I love you so much, Magnus, that I can't breathe. And I'm sorry that Camille didn't give you anything back, because I don't know how she didn't. And I promise to give you everything I have."

Magnus was tearing up again. "I love you, too..."

Alec had a hand on Magnus' cheek. "I will make sure you will never be alone."

Magnus licked his lips. "Alec, that's very thoughtful, but you can't control life and death."

"Magnus, I may be gone, but I will never be truly gone. I will always be here," he put another hand on Magnus' heart. "I will forever live right here. I will forever protect you, and I will always be there for you, because I will not truly be gone; I refuse to be. Okay?"

Magnus knew that he wasn't sure those words would work, but he also knew it was the best and the most Alec could give. Because Alec was actually trying to give back. Unlike anyone he'd ever been with. 

And maybe that would be enough. 

"I love you, Alexander," Magnus whispered, reaching up from his tippy toes to kiss Alec full on the lips. Alec was shocked at first, but then melted into it, and kissed Magnus back with as much love Magnus was providing him. "I love you," Magnus said again between kisses. 

"Love you too..." Alec did the same.

They kissed for a while before Alec suggested to go to bed, and guided Magnus to the room. He had helped him into some pajamas and then Alec changed himself. Most of his things had accumulated at Magnus' loft over the past couple of months. He practically lived here. 

He pulled the covers over Magnus' chest, and when he went to turn the light off, Magnus gripped his arm. "Don't..."

Alec looked at the firm grip for a moment, and nodded. "Okay, hey," he whispered, looking at Magnus' frightened eyes. "I said I wouldn't leave you alone, remember?"

Magnus nodded, and his eyes followed Alec to the other side of the bed. Magnus snapped his fingers, lights turning off. Alec pulled him close, and Magnus snuggled himself into Alec's embrace. 

"I love you," Magnus said again.

Alec smiled softly, squeezing Magnus tighter. "I love you too. I will never leave you alone."

Magnus knew he would okay.


End file.
